Apologies

God bless you - You are amazing in His sight, never forget that!!! He created you in His image, and we all have a Purpose!!!

Hello my friends, there were a few things, that God spoke to me about today, as I took my dog for a walk - this is the result of my prayers and the revelations I received from the Holy Spirit as an answer to my prayers:

As a child, I have been very aware of many things.....thinking, I had to fix it, and or protect people from danger.....at the age of two I suffered from a severe case of Pseudo Krupp, that had me taken to the hospital via ambulance......this has been a reaction to a vaccine - as it was the custom then, parents were not allowed in the hospital, and I felt deserted and utterly alone....kind of thinking, they didn't like me and had abandoned me for good - not knowing that my mom was waiting behind the window just as alone and frightened, what would happen to her little girl. 

When several years later, my allergies to horses had started - actually as a reaction of being extremely afraid, when I was on a horse with my father, and somehow instinctively knowing, that animals could feel my fears and then could harm me, as they're so very strong, representing strength in their very nature, and I was so vulnerable, I just wanted to protect my dad, when he wanted to go riding one day, yet my siblings thought, that all I wanted, was to get all the attention (like before, when I was in the hospital) - and they didn't treat me with respect a lot of times since - yet, at the bottom of this, is the fact that I didn't respect my father, I denied, that he was capable of making wise decisions. For this I want to apologize. I simply wanted to protect my family - but I have not given him the benefit of the doubt, that he knew what he was doing, and that was wrong. Sorry Dad, I didn't mean to do that at all.

This brings me to a completely different scenario, many snows :) later (I am reading an amazing book 'Cogewea' by Mourning Dove) - and I realize that I didn't respect someone else enough, when I didn't consider his innermost feelings, and I didn't trust his decision - I just felt rejected once more, on a very very deep level. I am sorry again, and I know, that I wish I could do it all over again, and do it right this time......

Oh, and before I forget, I have to also apologize to my sweet friend Miami (He is the horse I ride these days), for not trusting him enough - for being afraid, that he wasn't going to keep me safe. It all boils down to the same incident several decades ago, when I was afraid, that the horse would throw me off or something, cause I couldn't hide my fear, thus still having allergic reactions (sneezing, itchy eyes and coughing - yet knowing, that the allergies are gone and this is all only emotional) Miami, I trust you, and I want you to trust me - together we are strong!!! This makes me think, that this represents other situations in my life afterwards, where I was afraid of getting hurt, rejected, pushed away - but at least today, I can face my fears - you want to know, why? Because I have Jesus, and I know, He can handle all my fears and free me from every single one. Thank you so much, my very best friend - what would I do without you???

On a deeper level, that brings me to the realization, that we collectively have to apologize to God our Father, that we so often question His plan - when we don't know, where this plan is headed and that we so very often think we know, what He should have done.....like not given us a free will, not kicked us out from the Garden of Eden (Paradise) not allow consequences of sin to happen - yet, He is God Almighty and He knows best, how to work things out for our best - He is wise beyond anything we can fathom. Sorry Abba, Father.....for not respecting your decisions regarding my life, while I was still rebelling against your will. Please forgive me - I am so sorry, for all the hurt, I have caused you - for I know, that your deepest wish is, that we choose to love you in return, no strings and ulterior motives attached, just simply love you, cause you first loved us - and respect your sovereignty. I love you more than I can say - and I pledge my life to respect you forever and ever.

This leaves me praying to my Father, who is in Heaven, that I will be given a 2nd chance concerning the incidents mentioned above and many other. Knowing that He is the God of 2nd Chances, I am filled with great Hope for the Future...... - believing in a miracle everyday of my life.

In Jesus' Name I pray - Amen