Hello my friends, actually I should be sleeping, cause I know, that tomorrow morning the alarm will be ruthless..... - yet......somehow I simply can't...
These last weeks were very strange - I think I mentioned it before: I don't want summer to end.....but why do I find it so extremely difficult to get back into the rhythm of life this year - I have done it before.....with more ease - what's wrong with me???
Here is one answer, why I struggle with returning to reality so much this time - this summer for the very first time, I truly felt, that the weight of all the responsibility wasn't on my little shoulders alone....... - I attribute that to the fact, that Sarah was there - someone I could trust, someone who saw what needed to be done, and was ready to do what was needed to be done at all times - it was great to share this summer with someone, who believes like I do, with whom I could talk openly about my faith and my dreams and hopes - someone, that grew to be a real friend in a very short time. Thank you Sarah, you are amazing!!! Plus, it wasn't just chores and responsibilities - we actually did have great fun.... - cooking together, stargazing together.....playing cards, swimming and splashing with the children together.....her reading the bible to my children. I loved all of it.
This being said, I am realizing, that I truly long for a companion, someone, who would be willing to help me carry the daily burdens of life - in the here and now. I know I have Jesus, who is always with me, and for that I am tremendously grateful - yet lately I have felt a longing for a true man/leader in my heart and the house, a twin heart, someone who would truly understand and know me, who would hold me tight, who would carry the load with me, just like I am willing to carry the load with him - like God intended it to be.....
I have suppressed this need for far too long - believing I had to not feel this need, because voicing this need would betray my relationship with Jesus - for He ought to be enough......but I know, that God intended us, to need one another, and that by wanting, wishing, longing for a heart to heart relationship, I am not betraying Jesus. Actually, He knows this deep longing in my heart, I believe, God even put it there. I am very grateful for the strength, dignity and security I found in Christ, that I have been set free, to be myself. Knowing that all I ever have to be, is who He made me - Yet that actually does include the longing of my heart......therefore I have permission to feel that way. Everything else would be a step out of His plan, putting up a mask again - and I am so relieved I don't have to wear any anymore - a pretend face, that I am fine, to do life on my own - it would be a lie. I am lonely, I am overwhelmed to face reality alone - especially after having had a glimpse of what true companionship could be.
God wants us to be real, true and authentic......He wants to know all of us, and He wants us to trust Him with all that is inside of us. Therefore I would be betraying Him, by neglecting/rejecting the longing and the need inside of me - and that I cannot do.
Today I read something that really resonated within me: A real woman is capable of doing everything - yet a real man would not let her...... - that's what it is, I know, I can handle life on my own - yet I am weary and tired to say the least. I know, that I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me, I know God is bigger than any of my struggles - I have learnt to trust Him in all circumstances - and I know, that I will be fine, if He makes it clear to me, that He wants me to be alone, for I know, He'd give me the Grace I'd need to follow this plan. But He hasn't done that yet.....so I will believe that there is Happily Ever After for me....
Through the struggles of the last years, and my deep relationship with Christ over the last year, I have reached a point in my life, where I am readily facing all of me, where I can't hide from my deepest longings anymore - I believe, that God is calling me to openly confess, that I am lonely in the here and now - that I long for that true love, that twin heart - God Himself said, it's not good for man to be alone, so he created woman, to be his helpmate, to respect him completely and to submit to his leadership - that's who I long to be to the man, God has for me......, - we're not meant to do life on our own. Praise God!!!
Dear Father, Lord, God in Heaven, I come to you tonight, my heart wide open and I wholeheartedly declare, that yes, I am lonely in the here and now, and yes, I long to be loved by the man, you have for me, - please bring him into my life, that we may find Happily Ever After together here on earth - together bringing Glory to you by keeping You at the center of our relationship - for you are the only foundation on which a strong union between a man and a woman can successfully stand..... - In your precious Son's name I pray - Amen.
Be blessed my friend - I lift this prayer to God, for all of you, who are were I am - may He grant us the desires of our Hearts - let us continue to delight in Him and let us trust Him wholeheartedly with our deepest longing. In Jesus' Name - Amen
God wants us to be real, true and authentic......He wants to know all of us, and He wants us to trust Him with all that is inside of us. Therefore I would be betraying Him, by neglecting/rejecting the longing and the need inside of me - and that I cannot do.
Today I read something that really resonated within me: A real woman is capable of doing everything - yet a real man would not let her...... - that's what it is, I know, I can handle life on my own - yet I am weary and tired to say the least. I know, that I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me, I know God is bigger than any of my struggles - I have learnt to trust Him in all circumstances - and I know, that I will be fine, if He makes it clear to me, that He wants me to be alone, for I know, He'd give me the Grace I'd need to follow this plan. But He hasn't done that yet.....so I will believe that there is Happily Ever After for me....
Through the struggles of the last years, and my deep relationship with Christ over the last year, I have reached a point in my life, where I am readily facing all of me, where I can't hide from my deepest longings anymore - I believe, that God is calling me to openly confess, that I am lonely in the here and now - that I long for that true love, that twin heart - God Himself said, it's not good for man to be alone, so he created woman, to be his helpmate, to respect him completely and to submit to his leadership - that's who I long to be to the man, God has for me......, - we're not meant to do life on our own. Praise God!!!
Dear Father, Lord, God in Heaven, I come to you tonight, my heart wide open and I wholeheartedly declare, that yes, I am lonely in the here and now, and yes, I long to be loved by the man, you have for me, - please bring him into my life, that we may find Happily Ever After together here on earth - together bringing Glory to you by keeping You at the center of our relationship - for you are the only foundation on which a strong union between a man and a woman can successfully stand..... - In your precious Son's name I pray - Amen.
Be blessed my friend - I lift this prayer to God, for all of you, who are were I am - may He grant us the desires of our Hearts - let us continue to delight in Him and let us trust Him wholeheartedly with our deepest longing. In Jesus' Name - Amen
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