God bless you - You are amazing in His sight, never forget that!!! He created you in His image, and we all have a Purpose - never ever forget that!!!
Okay my friends, these last weeks have been weeks of deep contemplation and trying to understand what it is, that God truly wants from me, where He wants me to go.....what He is trying to teach me - being thrown into this sometimes very annoying, tiring and trying situation with my parents......during these first three weeks my children were here as well.....my mother having a troubling heart condition, which almost meant for her to leave our summer residence, to go back to Germany and be under medical surveillance - part of me wanted her to leave and go home and have someone else take all the responsibility (as she counts on my ability to speak French and to be there for her at all times)......part of me wanted to facilitate the desire of her heart, which is to stay here longer, since she missed out last year due to the health scare last spring, where she nearly died.
Over the years, I was torn inside, with setting up my boundaries with them, like friends and family suggested - and what I think Jesus would have done......Here is what these last few weeks revealed to me:
1. When we're truly sons and daughters of God, we are siblings to Christ, thus we're asked to extend His Love and Grace to ALL People - parents, family, friends and acquaintances as well as our enemies.
2. The 4th of the ten commandments is: Honour your Father and Mother then you will live a long, full life in the Land that the Lord your God will give to you...... - God showed me that this actually means to honour our eternal Father and Mother (God Himself at all times) and thus we're called to give Him the Glory regarding ALL Things in our life - He takes precedence in all circumstances - Knowing that He loves us, sees us, hears us and knows our heart's desire, and is the best father and mother we could ever hope for, preparing all kinds of surprises and treasures to give to us, has to suffice and let everybody else off the hook.
Since we are Children of the most High King, we're called to love EVERYONE like Christ loved us - to lay our life (EGO) down for the ones, God brings into our lives, when He tells us to - no matter, who they are, parent, brother, sister, friend - even our children. It means, that whoever crosses our path is of equal importance - parents to not have priority over other people, God places in your life, yourself included, but then again, they do not get second place when your Ego doesn't feel like honouring them, or when your Ego has been hurt by them or others in the past.
This very simply means, to leave the Ego out of our relationships and love as purely as Christ loved us!!! In my situation at present, I had to face several struggles, I had to come to terms with - placing them at the feet of the cross and lifting them up to God in prayer at night, generally I woke up with a revelation one of the next mornings - at first God showed me, that we are all equal in His Sight, there is no favouritism (God loves All His Children equally - isn't that the most wonderful thing to learn.....it freed me tremendously - my needs are just as important as my parents', kids' or friends' - but once I have given God, what belongs to Him, I have to share my time equally between those in my sphere of influence, not neglecting my own needs, for I cannot give freely, if my Love accounts are empty.
I have to give of my time to each and everyone, as God will tell me to - I have to be attentive to His calling - even if my mother in her own neediness wants me to only devote all my time to her, I cannot do that and I do not have to do that. Yet I have to see her need and value, acknowledge and respect it, just like Christ does with my needs - for He never neglects any of us - He is our Hope in All our circumstances - and we're called to be Christ to all the people we encounter - especially the ones who don't know Him.....and now that health and body of my parents are failing, I have to give them my undivided attention when it's possible, and not expect them to do the same to me, as when I was still a sinner, Christ died for me.
This is the big revelation of this evening: I cannot change my parents or anybody else for that matter, and expect them to value my needs, if I don't value theirs first - if I don't surrender my Ego to theirs first. He, God that is, called Jesus to surrender His Life for the redemption of our sin - I am sure, Jesus in His being 100% man, wanted something entirely different - so do we, most of the time. We think the people in our surroundings owe us this, that or the other, and if nothing else, they have to respect our boundaries - yet with regards to my aging parents, I am called to honour them far beyond anything that's easy to give - it will require a dying to self in yet a deeper way - and to surrender to what Christ would do/did for me. Nothing more and nothing less.
Today I realized, that the lesson in life is to surrender my ego at all times to what Christ would do if He was faced with my situation - I know, He surrendered His Life freely, to redeem all mankind (his parents included) therefore I have to follow in His footsteps - the lesson is not going away, until I get it and act accordingly. Here I go again - I surrender all my neediness, to be valued and respected to Him, and commit my life fully to Him. I am not saying that this is easy, for it isn't and I am no saint - actually when it comes to my parents, I find it very very hard to stay calm and patient - I feel the urge to get extremely annoyed and get snappy with them, to judge them and feel superior to them, because I think I have figured it all out, I found Christ and therefore I know how they should life......-....if they just lived according, what I know God wants for them, thus not being Christ to them at all, but rather portraying Lucifer/Satan, wanting all the Glory - probably because I felt not valued and respected by them for a huge chunk of my life, the people that meant the most to me, didn't see my needs or valued them less than their own - yet God made it very clear, that if I want to be a true disciple and a child of God I have to be done with retaliation, with grudges and impatience, with pride and most of all with the need to be valued from my people..... - If He values me, which I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He does, that must suffice, to love unconditionally, and to surrender all of me to all of Him more and more every day.
As I was thinking this, I saw a shooting star out of the window - and I breathed a 'Thank you, Father' - tears gathering in my eyes, as I understood His gift and His desire to mold me more and more into the likeness of Christ day by day, moment by moment.....and now I hope this is another step closer to passing this lesson once and for all, that my parents and I may move forward in our transformation - from Glory to Glory.
Dear friends I pray for you tonight and I hope I can give you an account of true surrender to my Father's Will in the near future - please pray for me, that I may not have received such revelations and not at the same time been given the Grace to live accordingly.
Be blessed my friends, Jesus loves you tremendously, this I know - rest in Him.....He will lead you Home into the loving arms of Our Father - Amen
P.S. For those of you, who just found my blog, if you are interested in reading more about my journey, you can read more here: http://youschka650220.blogspot.com
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