Thanksgiving

God bless you - You are amazing in His sight, never forget that!!! He created you in His image, and we all have a Purpose!!!

Hello my dear friends, today is Thanksgiving  -  so this is a good time, to tell you what I am thankful for: I am grateful beyond words for all the amazing work, that God has done in me over the last year and 4 months - He has changed me inside out, turned me right side up. 

He's truly come to my rescue. In the past I was pretty insecure, let people walk all over me, criticize me - allowed them to make me feel inadequate.......many shocks and traumas of my life had me believe the lie, that I didn't matter - that the ones I loved and trusted would leave me......

My grandmother died when I was 5 years old - she had been my pillar and my protector against the world and my siblings, who would bug me mercilessly...... - how could she have left me alone, when I needed her so much??? That could only mean, that she didn't love me enough to stay. I never really grieved her death - this was partly because for one I wasn't told she had died - nobody knew, what I had witnessed when she died (I was with her at that moment) - and secondly because I probably didn't want to face the loss. But I know that I was sad, cause when I listened to sad music, I would just have this ache inside, that wouldn't go away.

Today, through letting my dearest friend bind up this wound, that has been gaping for decades, I learnt, that yes, saying Good-Bye is sad, but it's not a good-bye forever - one day I will meet her again, and then we'll never have to say Good-Bye ever again. I also learnt, that she didn't want to leave me behind, that she did truly love me - and also, that she is always in my heart, and my memories will forever stay with me - no one can take these away. I am thankful for all the love she gave me, and I am looking forward to meet her in Heaven again.

Between my Oma's death and today - there was only one other person, that I trusted probably even more than my Oma........I guess, you can all figure out, who that might have been - yet he left me too.....yet, I am thankful, that I did meet him, because somehow he has given me myself back - before I met him, I never ever thought of myself as 'me', it was always 'her' and 'she' and I never thought of myself as a woman, more a girl..... - somehow, meeting him, has made me accept myself, and slowly acquire a true image of who I really am. Therefore I will always be thankful for meeting him.

Through all this, Jesus was always near.....He has loved me through all times in my life. I had come to know that back in 1992-1995/96 - then I lost sight of it, through the years of my marriage, when I buried many of my dreams. Today I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He loves me - He thinks I am to die for ;) - and He fills my life with wonders and glimpses of the tapestry He is making of life all around me......it's breathtaking, and I am so thankful.

I truly don't know, what I would do without my very best friend - thank you Jesus, you are the one who doesn't desert me ever, and for that I am forever grateful.

Be blessed my friends, I pray that you have found that friend in Jesus, too - and if not yet, I am hoping, that you will find Him real soon. He is waiting for you - knocking at the door of your heart, just as He did with me.

Amen